"Life, Love, and Lollipops!" featuring special guest Tara Ngozi Mixon

To learn more about today's Free Girl Talk Radio Show guest, Tara Ngozi Mixon, visit:

www.tarangozi.com
www.nostalgiajones.info
www.raisingpoetry.org
www.testifysister.com
www.testifysisterfoundation.org

Then don't forget to visit www.iamafreegirl.com and
Get Free Giiiiirrrrllll!!!!!!

Rock.Roll.Icy.Cold.Disco.Beat.Sugar.Sweet. Freeeeeeee!

When I was a little girl I remember trying to run away. I was upset with my father about something he said I couldn't do and I got a paper bag and filled it with the things a 4 or 5 year old thinks matter when you're running away - my sweater (in case it gets cold while I'm running) and my Ms.Piggy baby doll (the one from the happy meal at McDonalds when they use to have the great prizes) (of course she was for when I got lonely). And I asked my mother, after announcing defiantly that I was running away, to drop me off somewhere - but she reminded me that running away meant you had to run... so I grabbed my little napsack (I wished I had a stick so I could carry it over my back like in books and on tv) and I left. I got as far as across the street when I looked back (one last look) and saw that they had closed the blinds. I sat down on the curb in front of Deacon Johnsons house and cried. "How dare they not miss me!" and waited for them to yell for me to come on back home... probably adding a, "with yo silly acting tail!"




I asked my mother this morning, have I always been this free! She quickly said, "Yes. And reminded me of this story."



And I remember too. The freedom that is. I remember the rebellion for freedom. The anger. The Frustration. The necessity of it. If my parents said, "Don't come from out of that backyard playing." I would walk the fence in the backyard down to Sheaunte or Dawns backyard and play. Right before my whoopin' I would say, "I was still in the backyard. I never left the backyard."

My backyard was never just "my" backyard... the whole street belonged to me in my heart and why should I not be able to maneuver down the fence connected from my backyard to my friends?



If I was grounded and couldn't leave my room, like the underground railroad, I had secret passages to freedom. I had a tree outside my window that my friends could step into and lift themselves up high enough to leave notes in the bucket that I had hanging from the edge of my bunkbead out of my window (hiding in the the brush of the trees) letting me know what was going on "Out there!" There was always something more than that bedroom and I had to know about it. I had to get to it.



As a 2 year old, apparently I climbed the ladder next to my grandfathers house and when they finally found me I was hanging out up on the roof. No fear. Just up on the roof!



So I've always been this free. I have always felt like there was something more. Something I must be missing out on b/c "this" can't be it. I mean - there's a whole world (back then it was just me begging my mom to let me leave from the front of the house, then for her to let me leave from our side of the street, then the block and so on). But always always - I knew I had to go. I needed to see it and taste it and touch it and feel it. If it was to be had I needed to have it. If it was to be held I needed to hold it.



And I still do. Our chidlike innocence and wonder is often lost with the tedious transitions of time - and time is filled with many of them... transitions that is... and they're swift. But I've learned that that childlike faith/innocence/wonder can be regained with spiritual maturity. There were never any walls for me then - they still do not exist. Neither do they exist for you.



So similar to the old call and response games we played as children (you know - the sing song diddys that we sang and stepped and danced to) I want you to repeat after me: When I say Rock. You say Roll. When I say Icy. You say cold. When I say Disco. You say Beat. When I say Sugar. You say Sweet - then scream FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

And run, skip, step, dance, leap... do all you have to do to go get you some of that freedom you been singing about and longing for since you too were a child!

*Free Girl Talk Radio 12/18 Show Debut*

The debut of FreeGirl Talk Radio hosted by yours truly - EbonyJanice (A Free Girl Talking) on Friday December 18th, 2009 at 6pm was a success. Many of you tuned in to hear the discussion with April AP Smith, Theresa Davis and Jon Goode - even more of you wished me well and I'm proud to say that I know I heard from God when I decided to start FreeGirl Talk Radio on BlogtalkRadio.

Many of you may not know that when I was in college my major was Political Science. I wanted to be a civil rights activist. : ) LOL! This is the truth. Just picture little EbonyJanice trying to quote the constitution and writing her own version of Martin Luther King's "Free At Last Speech." My family can attest to this... These things that I tell you are true. I was going to be a Civil Rights Activist and I was SURE that I was created by God for that purpose.

Well... college showed me that, though this was truly my passion, there were a few other things in me that were a little more pressing than Marching to Selma again! LOL! I learned so much about myself in college through mistakes, heartbreak, complacency and forgiveness and all of those things - including the procrastination and the drama - has made me realize that God created me specifically to "Empower People Into Truth!"

What is more TRUE than "You were created to be FREE!"?

And what's more TRUE than - "Most of You don't know you're NOT free?"

FreeGirl Talk Radio is not JUST for girls... it's for ALL people that believe in Peace, Equality, Freedom, Liberty, Jesus, Holiness, Righteousness, Beauty, Love!" FreeGirl Talk Radio is just a part of my Civil Rights Movement... The Soljourner, Harriet and Emma Jane Baxley in me knows that girls being free is as important as Mandela being released from prison all those years ago... And I want YOU to be a part of this too.

So visit www.iamafreegirl.gutensite.com (soon to be www.iamafreegirl.com) and submit your questions, comments, issues on the Contact page and possibly your topic/issue/question will be featured on FreeGirl Talk Radio on BlogTalkRadio - hosted by EbonyJanice every Friday (starting January 8, 2010) at 6pm EST.

I'm confident that Free Girl Talk Radio will bless this earth. Even if it just empowers you to search deeper to find the pieces to the puzzle that is: What you were called to do!

Most of all I'm confident that where the Spirit of the Lord is - There Is Liberty! I want some of that... and I want that for you as well.

"Freedom ain't freedom when the free [girl] ain't free!"



**You can listen to the archived Debut Show at www.iamafreegirl.gutensite.com on the FreeGirl Radio tab or at www.blogtalkradio.com/freegirltalk <-------- Visit this site on 1/8/10 at 6pm EST to listen to the next show LIVE!

Thank You Thank You Thank You... You're Far too Kind!

Here are a few of my paintings... Enjoy! (for a limited time only!) :)

Raven Johnson - Dancing With the Father

I believe in drama. I mean - really! Just act a plumb fool and get it out the way so that while everyone else is still trying to process how they feel - you've already dealt with your truth. Your raw, authentic, unadalturated mess of a truth! DRAMA! (exhale) *

So last night when I got the call that Raven Johnson, the 18 year old neice of my Bishop and CoPastor, had died, I took the time out to act a ridiculous maniacal mess in my living room all by myself. I mean I took it there. All out "WHY? WHY? WHY?" It was a sight to see. Then all night, I lay awake in my bed and thought about the crazy mess of a person Raven (whom God blessed me to develop a very close relationship with in these past several months) was... and I literally laughed and cried myself to sleep.

Raven suffered from some kind of Juvenile Arthritis "something something something" but - quite possibly the fact that I can't quote the exact title of her ailment speaks to the kind of person she really was. She was never a complainer. And if it wasn't for the visible scars on her body and the way she had to hold her hands because of the pain - you would NEVER know she was sick.

I met her almost two years ago in my Sunday School class. I instantly loved her because she was very intelligent, witty and slightly sarcastic. She was me with a slight limp! LOL! I'm laughing right now just thinking about some of the ridiculous things that girl had to say in response to the topics that I'd bring for our bible studies on those Sunday mornings when she wasn't in too much pain to attend class.

As we got to know each other better, I instantly joked with her that she reminded me of Daria Morgendorfer or Juno - more Juno than Daria... but we both thought the Daria Morgendorfer comparison was fitting and even more so hilarious because Raven is the "Queen of Sarcasm!" Though she carried this title gracefully, she was not cynical at all about life. For a girl who had been near death, and technically beyond it at some points, Raven lived her life carrying a better attitude about her situation than any of the rest of us did. We felt sorry for her and wanted to help her get around when she had to start riding a scooter - and she wanted to pop willy's on that thing and still hang out with her friends like the normal teenager she was!

"If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it!" - Raven Johnson

What teenager do you know that can wake up in the hospital and find out she's missed her prom - and still be willing to give encouragement to their peers about TRUSTING GOD - and being FAITHFUL??????????

What PERSON (in the whole worlds) do you know, that can find out that eventually their fingers and toes are going to fall off and they still desire to dance for the Lord and boldly declare their healing so that one day they can do just that? No toes and all!!!!!

Life.

It can be tough. The heavy burdens of our heart belong to the Father, however. Carrying around resentment and having a hard heart towards God was never the answer of a girl that lived the life of a "Modern Day Miracle" (and she knew it)... so who am I to not live a life fitting of someone that "Remembers Raven Johnson" and has been charged by God - just in knowing her - to carry her in my heart forever, honoring her life by living out the attitude, dreams and goals that she had.

I asked my class one day who they are in their "wildest dreams..."

Here's what Raven had to say:

"In my wildest dreams...

I am a well known TV personality in politics (like Oprah, but not really)
People would come to recognize my testimony because of my 1st documentary, Miracle Workers.
I'd be married and happy.
I would have kids that love me.
My child labor would be PAINLESS! (Oh yeah!)"

(insert my koolaid grin and tears here)

I'm better for having known Raven. And though I realize that when people pass it's easy for us to send them straight to Heaven, even those that have not lived a life befitting of eternal life with the Father - but I have ZERO doubt in my mind that Raven Johnson - fully healed and no pain - is dancing with the Father... as we speak!





*The funny thing about this - is I JUST talked to Raven about this Sunday when she was telling me that she was taking her grandfather's passing pretty hard still... I told her to get it all out. Act a fool. Roll around in the floor - drive your scooter into the wall. LOL! She told me that she had considered doing just that but she was confident that if she tried that her family would just laugh at her and tell her to get her behind up! And she would just get up and apologize and ask everyone to pretend it never happened. LOL! As I continue to think of other fond memories of Raven - I realize that all of my memories of her are fond. I'll forever carry this smile - b/c of the way this powerful young lady transformed my life!

Pop Bottles ... or just smile... Whatever You Choose!

I'm sharing this b/c you all know what I've been through here at my job. It's not fun talking to sick people all day everyday. So on the occasion that someone goes out of their way to thank you - in this place??? its a SHOCK... and you must celebrate it... so pop bottles and check out the note in the picture that I received in the mail today at my job addressed to me :)

YAAAAAAAAAAAY! Praise Jesus! This surely made.my.day!!!!!

Only Made it To Day #29

Day #23

We are nursing a bruised womb
A miscarriage caused by our won hands
The death I died every day
On my own was not enough
Every piece of us had to go
Now I find myself wallowing
In a cold play song
Dancing off beat to Cannon in D
Humming amazing grace
Over Thelonious Monk confused chords
Brutally banging my head on
Base boards to believe it
Tear soaked blood
Bloody with guilt
Guilt torn heart
Heart pumping gasoline
Gasoline soaked hands
Hands gripping neck
Neck, throat, fire
Dying a slow death
Me, you and this baby
Surely you feel these flames
Surely you feel the ooze of this blood
Surely you hear the banging of my head
On these base boards
And the humming of amazing grace
You surely hear those
Thelonious Monk chords
Bangs clangs and tings
Surely you see me dancing off beat
Surely you see me wallowing
Cannon in D
Cold play
Death everyday
Another day of dying
We have killed this child
That was growing in me
That was dying in me
And finally you seem to feel it
This is what death feels like
Welcome


Day #24
In the morning the poems come
In the mourning the poems stop
I have always known what it
Feels like to grieve
But I played and wrestled and
Swam and jumped fences
And fought and knee skinned
And bike fell
And train track skipped
And dog chased
And ran from dogs
And tic tac toe’d
And twi-li-li’d
And kissed th blk boy and the Spanish boy
And convinced the white boy
That jumping back was the best idea
For him because
I’d get the color boy to beat his behind
And hide and seeked
And hide and went and got it
And sang
And dodged
And got sun tanned
And ate ice cream
And chased the ice cream truck
And shot the icre cream man
With a bee bee gun
And loved Sheaunte and hated Dawn
And hated Sheaunte and loved Dawn
And then got hated by Sheaunte and Dawn
While they loved each other
And not me
And tree climbed
And rock skipped
And fire works launched
And got my behind beat everyday
For doing it all without limits
And sometimes w/out permission
Because I didn’t care
I loved life
I loved living
And I knew it would require my life
To get the poems to come in the morning
B/c they always seem to stop in the mourning

Day #25
I have found we young
Poets sing the same songs of
Nikki and Jesus


Day #26
He has weaved the bass clef into my scalp
Unbraided all treble from my hair
Only leaving and amplified ding in my ear
From his cymbals
He symbolizes truth
So he strums gospel tunes
In purple hues
That take away my blues
And jazz pats on his 4 string
Rock sings his 5 string
Church claps his 6 string
Until my eyes are closed
And the hum of his A minor chord
Leads me into the heavens
His song is heavenly
He is the remedy
Neither of us are afraid of
Sounds in the dark
So we keep our eyes closed
And two step together
To the beat
Never knowing where
The music is taking us
Just trusting that its
Taking us there together


Day #27
Sometimes I question the one set of fingerprints theory
I am too much like Emma Jane
Ces yeuz
Le nex
Une bouche
Les Oreilles
I have seen
I have smelt
I have tasted
I have heard
Possibly even touched all of the same things as she

My grandmother recently ahs been quieted by her health
It’s the reason I have so much to say
What she can not say
I will say for her
All of her prayers and “take me to the waters”
Her I know I been changed’s
And her aw naws at bad news
Her mmm mmm mmphs and her I love yous
I will load them all onto my tongue and
Chew them for the rest of my life
Until they permeate from my skin
And become even more of who I am

I will retell her stories and tell the ones she has kept secret
I will rock and moan
Switch and purse my lips
Raise my children and yours
Quote scripture hand on hip
& frequent belts for chastisement

I will be uncontrollable
Bold
Heroic
Unafraid
Vigilant
&brave
And all at the same time I will be none of these things
&I won’t wait to be 85 to be this audacious
It started long ago for me
And it just gets worse from here
Really
I’m speaking quick wit & sharp tongue for both of us
Me and my grand mother
Ces yeux
Le nez
Une bouche
Les Oreilles
But especially our hands
With these fingerprints
That they say aren’t the same
But I hope our impact is

Day #28
I wonder if they think of me
The way I think of them
Catch me in a deep stare
Eyes slightly slanted
Hands on hip in a daze
Pondering and unaware
Concerned only with the things
Of my life
I know what it feels like
To day dream
I know what it feels like to day mare
Watch people
See them eyes empty
Mind racing
I wonder of them
What their days are like
What brings them joy
How often do they experience hell
And selfishly
I wonder if they ever think of me

Day #29
I go to my church
Frequently to hear the word
But I rarely church