The Language of A Free Woman

I (at present) don't ever plan on reading anything by James Baldwin or Ralph Ellison - not any time soon at least. And I know as a contemporary black woman considering herself to be educated and of academentia etc etc - Baldwin and Ellison are "Must Reads." But alas - I have no urgent need or desire to read anything by either of them. I enjoy Shay Youngbloods interpretation of who James Baldwin was for her in "Black Girl in Paris" through the heroine of the story... but again - I'm nothing like that cigarette smoking, freely involved in sex having, wine with every meal drinking sista prancing through Paris like who did it and why.

Not that I have any problems with her - "Black Girl in Paris" was my first "Favorite Book." I was a senior in high school and I finished it in a study hall I rarely went to (but on this certain day the mans foot was relating to my neck so I had to be there). When I finished the book I asked for a hall pass to go to Ms. Mellon's (Sr. English professor then - sista friend and literary confidant now) classroom. I told Ms. Mellon how the book made me feel and that I was overwhelmed with emotion, almost to tears and angry that it was over. She smiled and hugged me, I think, and said - "You just read a good book." I was so pleased with having FINALLY read a good book that I read it again.

And even till this day, when I re-read "Black Girl in Paris" I see a piece of me in the main character (free and unapologetic for just wanting to do what she wants to do... nappy hair, seemingly out of place and all) - so much so that I'm walking around the house days after having read it with a wine glass (apple juice filled) and eating toasted asiago cheese bread with honey butter spread, strawberries and legumes (shrugs)... like some chicken tacos and a vanilla coke just isn't sophisticated enough for a "Free Black Woman?! [1]" (hahaha)

Either way... I enjoy reading about Ellison and Baldwin and even Richard Wright, Langston Hughes and Zora Neale Hurston... but I'm not bound to the reading of them in order for me to converse with others that have to prove their intellectual selves. Nope. I don't have to. I happen to have loved "Their Eyes Were Watching God" but - I struggled with "Jonah's Gourd Vine" by Zora because I didn't prefer trying to read a whole 'nother (yes 'nother) book with her continued use of that African American dialect.

"Dat's a big ole resurrection lie, Ned. Uh slew-foot, drag-leg lie at dat, and Ah dare yuh tuh hit me too. You know Ahm uh fightin' dawg and mah hide is worth money. Hit me if you dare! Ah'll wash yo' tub uh 'gator guts and dat quick."

Uh un. I-de-cline Sista. I want no parts of a whole new book filled with me trying to interpret this language. I can appreciate it. Shoot - I'd like to study Zora's life a little more in depth just because I'm curious as to how she wrote SEVERAL whole books in this dialect. I personally think its brilliant - but I don't currently have the energy for the task of the studying of such a complex lady and people.

Anyway, I am constantly assessing my life. I dont find one problem in asking myself "Am I Happy?" In general myself responds with a slight smirk, and eye squint, a pondering lip purse and a sighed "Yes..." but every now and then I have to delve a little bit deeper into the inner workings of myself to see if that "Yes" is the unequivocal truth - or some truth that the "me" that others have tried to make me be, has spoken? Mostly its me... but every now and then that other "me" that isn't TRUTH at all sneaks in a "yes" - and I'm forced to actualize a slap in the spirit realm, knock my own self out of that facade and tell the truth.

Currently - there are some things I want in life that seem unattainable... but the Free Woman in me is confident that even though it doesn't look like what's its going to end like - my current condition doesn't have to be my story. I'm very happy with my life. I'm only 25 years old and I've already come to the understanding that I'm free. Some people take well into their midlife crisis phase to realize this about themselves. But here I am - well ahead of the game. Walking in liberty, to me, is the question we should be using to define our place in this world - not some pseudo intelectual (I want badly to use the word cocamayme in this space) conversation about whether or not I've read "Baldwin or Ellison," pinky finger slightly extended perpetrating class while sipping some ginger tea.

Uh un. Again - I-de-cline. I want no parts of that falsity. Instead - I'll stick with TRUTH. The truth of who we are in our very essence is FREE (beings) (me: a woman). I am a Free Woman. And to deny myself of that kind of truth - would be like saying, "No thanks Jesus. I'm okay being bound. All that cross hanging you did for me - unnecessary!" Nope - not me... I get out of ALL these boxes... and "YES" - I'm very happy about that.

Now off to read some Pearl Cleage. I love that sista... mostly cause she free too... but I like that she just writes in plain old black girl english - yeah... that helps too.

Peace Like Me

[1] - For the record - free black women (such as myself) LOVE chicken tacos.

Love Poems For Ivan: And For The Times That I Hate You by Ebony Janice Love Poems For Ivan: And for the times that I hate you is a book of poems, short stories, journal entries, & other ramblings about loving a black man. www.EbonyJanice.com