Peace Like EbonyJanice

I wrote some books...

2011-11-28T09:23:00.000-08:00

This is a brief synopsis of the books that I have written an published... Visit www.ebonyjanice.com to purchase!

The Black Girl Curriculum: 10 Things Every Black Girl Should Know

A 10 point conversation series/workbook geared towards girls of African descent - 13 and up. Let this workbook (which includes a daily devotional, activity, journal space, and affirmation) serve as a guide for conversations that every black girl should be having with a trusted mentor, friend, adult, parent, teacher, or pastor from her community.

Confessions of A Free Girl: The Basic Truths of Living a Life of Freedom

As a self proclaimed Free Girl I am daily challenged with being the most authentic version of myself. Because that is not always a reality, being honest with myself about where I currently am, what the Bible says about my freedom, and how I can get back to the truth of what God says about me - even in the face of the hardships and adversities that challenge my freedom on a daily basis.

5 Miles to Jesus: The Radical Worship that Saved My Life

Written in an intense season of Job-like affliction, brokenness, and even death - the author, who confesses that she is not a theologian but a "100% Testimonian," shares a powerful testimony of the transformative power of Radical Worship DURING the storm and how it literally saved her life.

Young Black Girl: A Book of Poems

The 18 year old version of myself wrote this book and the 23 year old version of myself finally got it published. Young Black Girl is a book of poetry that came from the heart of its author, ebonyjanice. Young Black Girl is a sermon that never stops ministering to your soul and a song that never stops humming to your heart. A book of poems that were inspired during a time of liberation and truth in ebonyjanice's life. She wanted to be as truthful as she possibly could and this was the result. Enjoy the sometimes painful, often loving, but always humble truth of Young Black Girl.

Love Poems For Ivan: and for the times that I hate you

This is a book of poems, journal entries, short stories, and other random ramblings about loving a black man. Trek with EbonyJanice through the ups and downs of a relationship with a man that she once longed for "forever" with. See the very real schizophrenic reality of the day to day truth of love. It hurts and then it feels good. It's green and then it's jazz. It's New Orleans. Broken french. Creole. Gospel. Curse words and sermons. Most of all - it's real.

No Hair. Don't Care. An Announcement

2011-07-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

I know the photo on my facebook and twitter are of a luscious afro still... but seriously - I've had a fade for about two weeks now. The only reason there aren't any updated photos is because I had to get to Decatur to get my eyebrows threaded AND my photographer is currently straight tripping boo... so alas... No great photos yet. But coming soon. *****UPDATED to Include A Photo of My Fade*****

I LOVE this stinking fade. This is my favorite hair style of all. I've faded my hair a million times... and each time I start growing my hair back, its for some old ridiculous reason that has NOTHING to do with this post - so let me keep it moving. I just tweeted a real good break down of the conversations we WILL and WILL NOT be having about my hair (or, any other choice I make for my personal appearance, etc). Please scroll to the bottom and read UP. That's how twitter works. Just wanted to put you on notice, that I notice and now we all notified! BOOM! :)

Forget This Stanking Fast (The Anointing Will Cost You Something)

2011-06-29T18:52:00.001-07:00

Introducing The Prayer Project

2011-06-16T10:37:00.000-07:00

Watch this video to learn more about how you can support efforts that will support the community.

Go to the GIVE page on THIS site: HERE and GIVE!

Some Morning Truth

2011-06-03T10:25:00.001-07:00

So much is broken. It just is. I can't front about it... I'm in a struggle some days just to breath. But, I sing praises to the Lord in these times. I worship Him and long to see His face. If I focus on what I see - towels would be thrown daily. I feel very tired and often hopeless. I know the saints dont like to be that transparent - but here I am. I am THE WOMAN OF GOD but some days I am heavy burdened and I just can't see it. Today. I just can not see it... BUT GOD! I hope there is some encouragement in that. I know that God is beyond me. That is how I keep holding on b/c the end result is not left up to man - its left up to God... And He is bigger than me... So I can rest in that. #amen

Prince is the MAN. People are Pregnant that Aint NEVER been pregnant before!

2011-05-29T01:28:00.000-07:00

Let me help you understand something. Prince is as amazing as you always thought he was - just multiply that times 59kabazillion trillion! (swoons) How is it possible that this little tiny bite sized man could make a full grown black woman swoon by crawling on the ground, tossing a guitar into the audience (twice), shaking and popping his behind amongst mens... Prince is a MANIAC... and I appreciate it more today than ever before.

Yes. It is 4:30am EST. And? What is your point? Got dangit. I'm tired... but I just came from a Prince concert (Mary J. Freaking Blige was the opening act... Mary has been somewhere serving the Lord with gladness and he is blessing her richly because of it because SHE WAS AMAZINGGGGGGG!). But the headliner... the reason we were all there. The reason everyone in the house right now is still awake in their respective places trying to remember, retell, and relive it was: PRINCE PRINCE PRINCE PRINCE! Chant it with me...

Mmm hmmm... I took notes. THIS is how bad Prince cut up... Thank me later!

*First of all, did you just magically appear on stage? Prince - you are a magical unicorn! I love you.

*Prince started off the night doing a medley of many of his greatest hits. The ones that he wasn't going to sing all the way through b/c he is saved now (isn't he?) and so... yeah... We didn't get to hear all of Darling Nikki (pout) (pout harder). But... after a few bars of the first song, he sat down and shook his finger at the camera and said, "I have so many hits!" (SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!) YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

*Then when Darling Nikki's music (only) was playing, he screamed, "Im in REHABBBBBB!" YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS! But (pout hard again) he did NOT in fact sing that song. Too bad... that's my jam...

Soon after that he said again, "Too many hits. Not enough time." Thank you Prince. THIS is truth.

During his intro medley of songs, Prince played "Single Ladies" as his back ground dancers danced out onto stage. Thank you for that sir.

I also appreciated "Party All The Time" - YES... the song that we all love because of Eddie Murphy. (sigh) Thank you for that as well kind sir!

There was a note that he was playing on his guitar that had a couple young women that shall remain nameless trying to take off their shirts. A few people got pregnant tonight. Prince is those baby's daddy... And I'm proud to say I was probably one of the blessed to conceive a child tonight. (shrugs)

In the middle of one of his songs he sang, "17.000 will testify that can't NOBODY do it like Prince do." 17,000 referring to the number in attendance at the Forum Stadium in Inglewood, California. Listen... I'm a sucker for a humble man. But - something in me makes me feel like its okay for Prince to be that "much." Shooot... 17,000 will ABSOLUTELY testify that can't NOBODY do it like Prince do it. (raises hand to testify)

Prince lyrics have ALWAYS blessed me indeed: "You dont expect me to believe you dont really want me no more. Slow down... Come back." YES! Tell her JUST like that Prince.

Prince said, "LA? That's your name right?" Everyone screamed yes... He continued, "Well what's my name?" Everyone screamed PRINCE!!!!!!!!! He followed that response up immediately with, "You better recognize." Can you see the theme here? Prince does NOT know how to act... and basically you just need to deal with it!

Prince adlibs - "Everyone of them get older, but I still look the same!" Audience: SCREAMS (passes out)

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

After the 3rd encore - B/c wasn't NOBODY playing about him pretending to leave without singing Purple Rain... he came back out and said, "I am really ready to go to the after party. Do you know how many hits I have? We'll be here until NEXT Saturday."

Dear Prince,

Amen.

(sigh)

I hear music differently after the last season of my life. THE BAND WAS OUTRAGEOUS! (smh) I'm just going to leave it at that...

It was a great night. I felt satisfied in my soul after that concert. It was quite possibly the greatest concert of my life. Prince is a living legend. I prayed for him when he was going off stage the last time because I thought about how sad a day it would be to lose his genius before my children and maybe even their children (b/c Prince doesn't age - you do) get to experience him. I pray he gets to be that ridiculous and audacious for years and years to come.

I'm going to read my nightly devotional and pray and go to bed. (deep exhale) Before I go... the last thing I'll add, b/c I just remembered it is - Mary J. Blige seriously caught the holy ghost during her set. Oh... You think I'm playing. That sista was slain in the spirit and it was SERIOUS!~

THAT is precisely how you act when Prince personally calls you and asks you to open for him on his 2nd to last night in LA. You fall prostrate before the Lord because the affirmation of God is ALL we need (we do not need anyone else to tell us we are good b/c God already said this about us)... but it dont hurt to be affirmed by Prince. I mean really... It just does NOT hurt!

Good night! I'm going to dream about the father of the child that is clearly growing in my body right now...

Coming Back to Myself

2011-05-04T09:44:00.000-07:00

Over the past several years I have gained alot of weight. It was happy weight... but it feels good to be losing it. I kind of look like me again. If you knew me then - do you remember this?

Prayer - HOW TO SUFFER

2011-04-15T07:45:00.001-07:00

Prayer for Healing

2011-04-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

I Want it ALLLLL BACK! - A Letter to Beelzebub!

2011-04-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

I want it all back

Everything that you took from me

even my joy and my peace

everything that you got thats mine

I want it - all back

you may have thought
you won that last round
you may laughed

I almost fell down

maybe you think

id give up easy

but its not over

i got more in me

you thought Id stop

you thought i sat down

but i am standing

you made me mad now

you got some things

I think you owe me

I come to get back everything that you stole

I want it all back

Everything that you took from me

even my hopes and my dreams

everything that you got thats mine

I want it… all back

You hit me hard
I should be knocked out
things I been through
dont even want to talk abt
you crossed the line
you violated me
i want revenge
from a-z
battles not mine
the battle is the lords
in the name of jesus
I’m taking it by force

I want it all back

Everything that you took from me

even my joy and my peace

everything that you got thats mine

I want it - all back

If you only what I was going to beafter the storm you would not even bothered me
If you only what I was going to beafter the storm you would not even bothered me
If you only what I was going to beafter the storm you would not even bothered me
If you only what I was going to beafter the storm you would not even bothered me

Now I’m Stronger
I got more Power
I’m a little bit Wiser
I got more Strength
I got the Anointing
I got Favor and Wisdom
I want it all back…
Maannnnnnnnnnn Give me my stuff back…. GIVE ME MY STUFFFFFFFF!
I want it alllllllll……Give me my stuff back…. GIVE ME MY STUFFFFFFFF!
I want it alllllllll……
What abt the peace he took (I want that)
what abt yr strength he took(I want that)
what abt yr power he took(I want that)
what abt your love he took(I want that)
what abt your family and all yr self esteem even your destiny(I want that)
what abt the joy you tasted and the time you wasted do you want it back(I want that)
what abt your place in God and all yr faith in God even the ways of God (I want that)
what abt your hopes and dreams and yr communities even your kids and teens(I want that)
What abt the love he took(I want that)what abt yr strength he took(I want that)
what abt yr joy he took(I want that)what abt power he took(I want that)
what abt your family and all yr self esteem even your destiny(I want that)
what abt the joy you tasted and the time you wasted do you want it back(I want that)
what abt your place in God and all yr faith in God even the ways of God(I want that)
what abt your hopes and dreams and yr communities even your kids and teens(I want that)
I want that want that want thatI want it alllllllll BACK!

(NOW)

Prayer - For the Mind over Suicide and Depression

2011-04-12T07:15:00.001-07:00

Prayer - DELIVER (2) "Not Talk Time - Pray Time"

2011-04-07T07:43:00.000-07:00

Not Talk Time - Pray Time "This morning I am praying for God to Deliver (me, you, family, church - ALL OF US IN NEED)" I believe I have been called to a season of prayer and while I'd rather pray in my closet by myself so you cant see my scrunched up face and broken heart - I believe that he is calling me to publicly minister to the broken hearted as someone with a broken heart. Let me cry out in my pain on behalf of all of us.

Magic in My Holy Ghost

2011-04-06T17:55:00.001-07:00

A poem about loving some one ridiculous and intense and finding security only in the truth of their mutual ridiculous and intense love for you. Magic in My Holy Ghost is about how the spirit that dwells in us will call us to love... and that spiritual attraction (holy spirit) is much more intense and eternal than anything physical. #growfolks

Not Talk Time - Pray Time

2011-04-06T10:27:00.000-07:00

I am in a season where God has said, "Its not a TALK time it's a PRAY time!" So I am going to pray for me, you, my family, friends, loved ones, those in covenant connection and the body of Christ. Please send your prayer requests to ebonyjanice@ebonyjanice.com

1/30 - April 30 Poems in 30 days

2011-04-01T17:52:00.000-07:00

April is National Poetry Month - so blah blah blah bliggity blah - I'm going to attempt to write 30 poems in 30 days... or for those of you that haven't added it up... a poem a day! When I wrote that <- I pursed my lips. So purse your lips, put your hands on your hips, say "Boom!" and then read my poem.

Oh... wait.. before you read my poem - keep in mind that I'm an artist... and I'm sensitive about my (you know the rest)... So with that said: this is a rough draft and may or may not become the greatest thing you've ever read: just not today!

(purse your lips, hand on hips - BOOM!) Carry on...

The Grey Anatomy

when you totally lose your mind
everything and nothing makes sense
including picking at your own wounds
just to feel
Cold, alone, broken, afraid
all of these things are better than void
plus, survival mode will cause you to eat at your own flesh
because you can’t think
or see
or breath
this craziness only makes sense to the dead
you are dying

For weeks I watched an accident happen that I was a part of
when the head on collision finally occurred, I awoke to my best friend, bloody and broken
laying on the hood of the car

but, as if I was the one stretched out and lifeless,
I saw myself standing outside of myself crying

I forgot I was selfish
and ugly
and insecure
and arrogant
and bruised
and broken
I forgot

this is what it feels like to have one lung
because you gave the other away
and now the one you kept for yourself has been
punctured and like a fish out of water
you lie gasping for air - cause you just want to breath

clearly the key to survival is being still
breath slowly
save all of the oxygen that is left in you
wait... be quiet
don’t alert the enemy
he already smells your blood
just pray for a hero
a savior

cause you are dying
but maybe - just maybe someone will come to help
to rescue you from your sorrys
and baby pleases
and promises
and I will never be the sames
you selfish, ugly, insecure, arrogant, bruised and broken forgetful person
be still
and wait

for sanity to return
and remind you
that your other lung
is lying on the hood of the car
waiting for you to find some strength
to call for help

Ivory Like 50 cc Scooter - $1700 Or Best Offer

2011-03-06T08:49:00.001-08:00

I bought this Ivory Like 50cc Scooter from Vespa Midtown in August of 2010 so it’s brand new... only 236 miles on it... Comes with a 2 year manufacturers warranty that covers EVERYTHING! Obviously since it is brand new it is in Brand New Condition - I am selling both of my scooters to buy a new car! Asking $1700 or best offer! Call with serious inquiries only. 931-241-9825

I ALWAYS Win! A message for people that may think I'm too nice!

2011-02-25T11:29:00.000-08:00

Confession makes me feel better: (deep exhale) (picks up microphone) (sets out soap box)

(taps mic) "Is this thing on?" (eh hem) I just want to say... I'm a very private person regarding my family and my relationships... I'm VERY protective over both of the aforementioned as well... but I try to be very transparent about the fact that I DO NOT PLAY (I've been told I look like I shouldn't be messed with<- still some folk will try you anyways) (smh).

I'm a very kind person and considerably easy to get along with because I really despise drama. I carry stuff too heavy in my spirit to hold grudges and be upset over silliness for too long... So its easy for me to let stuff go. I deal with it - and boom... I'm done. I'm VERY flexible that way - so just note that you'd have to push VERY hard to get me to pull my pursed lips out and BOOM on you! I retired my title my girlfriends gave me of "Mama Boom!" long ago when the Lord convicted me for going so hard (around the time I gave the Chinese delivery man THEE bizness for not understanding directions to my house <- he didn't have to get it THAT bad)... I prefer to NOT bring that sista back out if at all possible.

I think because I carry peace with me in my heart and in my actions, people in my life (Actually... not really my life... but the residual effects of having certain ppl in your life means some other people might come along with it - shrugs) have taken that for granted and maybe even as a sign of weakness. (smh) That's a bad idea to think that way because I ALWAYS win... Always always always! Even if YOU are used to winning... A fight with me on any level, any stage, any platform wld count as your first loss. Really. It's just the way it is. I ALWAYS WIN!

My Advice: People Should Make good choices because even the best of us has patience that is capable of wearing thin!

(soap box back in my storage closet)

#thatisall

There's Nothing We Women Can't Be

2010-12-07T12:00:00.000-08:00

Source

My FLY GIRL OF THE WEEK Nomination: Katrice Mines of Myvicariouslyfe.com

2010-11-10T08:34:00.000-08:00

Dear FlyGirl (Andrea),

I am nominating Katrice L. Mines to be your FLY GIRL OF THE WEEK because, to put it plain - That Sista Is Fly! She is the editor of the Atlanta Tribune Magazine and has her own LifeStyle blog at Www.MyVicariousLyfe.com! She is one of the most HUMBLE women I know... And even in her 30's she reminds me of the wisdom I have received from my grandmother... my mother... with the pursed lips and hand on hips that you always imagine Ruby Dee, Cicily Tyson, Nikki Giovanni, J.California Cooper and Pearl Cleage having when they tell us to keep on living and being beautiful and amazing and all those things its so natural for us to be and do!

I'm not sure how your nomination process works... or if you even accept nominations. I know people nominate themselves... but I wanted to take the time to nominate my sister friend because, as I am currently in pursuit of getting the attention of Essence Magazine on her behalf (she WILL be their next Editor In Chief <-if I have anything to do with it) I know you and your readers will LOVE her and support her like you've supported so much greatness before!

Get Ready World... Katrice Mines is NOT just the FLY GIRL OF THE WEEK! She is a 24hours a day 7 days a week Inspiration and Fly ... fly ... fly!

(I always feel like I should end my rants with "In Jesus Name") b/c I figure and AMEN goes perfectly right there! :)

Best Regards,

Ebony Janice Moore
A Free Girl

Lessons From Jaha's House (An illustrated cartoon by me)

2010-11-10T07:55:00.000-08:00

In the summer of 2006 I went to stay with a good friend of mine, Jaha Zainabu (poet, story teller, author, mural painter, photographer). I was extremely inspired by how much living she did out there in those trees and peace and quiet! Years later... I dreamt of a way to share powerful messages with girls and Jaha was the source through which I knew I could teach these lessons!

This is a FREE GIRL PROJECT!

ENJOY!

Introducing: Jeremy's Best Friend

2010-11-02T22:09:00.000-07:00

www.jeremysbestfriend.tumblr.com

You Are Brilliant - A Video Invite for Tomorrow's Launch of "The Free Girl Project"

2010-10-22T14:00:00.000-07:00

You Are Invited to:

"A Conversation About Self Esteem"

Saturday, October 23, 2010

1-3pm

60 Walton St.

Atlanta Ga

American Friends Service Committee Bldg

www.iamafreegirl.com

The Free Girl Foundation will be hosting "A Conversation About Self Esteem" for women/girls of ALL age groups.

The Free Girl Foundation Presents: Free Girls Be Girls

2010-10-09T10:32:00.000-07:00

The Free Girl Foundation is sponsoring an event in Atlanta, Georgia on Saturday, October 23rd from 1-3pm. The Free Girl Foundation is a Project for girls and women, and anyone that is a part of their community that supports the idea of women and girls being free.

www.iamafreegirl.com

The Dove Campaign for Real Beauty is a project sponsored by DOVE (c) that provides support for Self Esteem Programming for girls.

www.campaignforrealbeauty.com

ALL ages welcome! Bring your sisters, cousins, aunts, mother, daughter, grandmother, EVERY girl/woman is invited to this session! Or - if you received this invite and you are a man: Invite a young sister to come out to be empowered into truth in the area of their self esteem!

Random Randomness - I Actually Do Still Own A Pen

2010-07-27T07:30:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in my journal in so long, I had almost convinced myself I was over a life time of writing, thinking, journaling and sharing. Then this morning, I decided to just be still on the train and write. Random Ridiculousness and ALL...

1. It use to frustrate me in primary school that the white girls could cross their legs under their desks. My thighs, even at 6 and 7 were too thick to be crossed underneath a school desk. These 6 and 7 year old thighs would either refuse to be maneuvered into that space or they would lift the desk up bringing attention to the fact that the thick 7 year old was trying to cross her secondary school sized legs again.
Those desk makers were racist.

2. Today I noticed three minutes pass in my day. Clearly more than 3 minutes have passed in my entire life but today I saw those 3 minutes go by and was very clear that they weren't coming back. I was on the bus on my way to work so it would be really easy to look at these moments as inconsequential lost moments, but in the mere moment of those minutes demise I was very clear that I had lost something. The gift of all the other moments I have taken for granted in my life seemed to catch up with me and taunt me with their promise to never return. DANG!

3. Why are there so many people on this train this morning? It's so loud and crowded. (shrugs) I should have rode my scooter.

4. I wonder if the girl next to me realizes only one sided of my headphones is working this morning. I also wonder if she cares. I don't know. That's the kind of random stuff I notice and care about. I just care about people. Am I strange?

"Life, Love, and Lollipops!" featuring special guest Tara Ngozi Mixon

2010-01-28T16:15:00.000-08:00

To learn more about today's Free Girl Talk Radio Show guest, Tara Ngozi Mixon, visit:

www.tarangozi.com
www.nostalgiajones.info
www.raisingpoetry.org
www.testifysister.com
www.testifysisterfoundation.org

Then don't forget to visit www.iamafreegirl.com and
Get Free Giiiiirrrrllll!!!!!!

Rock.Roll.Icy.Cold.Disco.Beat.Sugar.Sweet. Freeeeeeee!

2010-01-06T07:16:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl I remember trying to run away. I was upset with my father about something he said I couldn't do and I got a paper bag and filled it with the things a 4 or 5 year old thinks matter when you're running away - my sweater (in case it gets cold while I'm running) and my Ms.Piggy baby doll (the one from the happy meal at McDonalds when they use to have the great prizes) (of course she was for when I got lonely). And I asked my mother, after announcing defiantly that I was running away, to drop me off somewhere - but she reminded me that running away meant you had to run... so I grabbed my little napsack (I wished I had a stick so I could carry it over my back like in books and on tv) and I left. I got as far as across the street when I looked back (one last look) and saw that they had closed the blinds. I sat down on the curb in front of Deacon Johnsons house and cried. "How dare they not miss me!" and waited for them to yell for me to come on back home... probably adding a, "with yo silly acting tail!"

I asked my mother this morning, have I always been this free! She quickly said, "Yes. And reminded me of this story."

And I remember too. The freedom that is. I remember the rebellion for freedom. The anger. The Frustration. The necessity of it. If my parents said, "Don't come from out of that backyard playing." I would walk the fence in the backyard down to Sheaunte or Dawns backyard and play. Right before my whoopin' I would say, "I was still in the backyard. I never left the backyard."

My backyard was never just "my" backyard... the whole street belonged to me in my heart and why should I not be able to maneuver down the fence connected from my backyard to my friends?

If I was grounded and couldn't leave my room, like the underground railroad, I had secret passages to freedom. I had a tree outside my window that my friends could step into and lift themselves up high enough to leave notes in the bucket that I had hanging from the edge of my bunkbead out of my window (hiding in the the brush of the trees) letting me know what was going on "Out there!" There was always something more than that bedroom and I had to know about it. I had to get to it.

As a 2 year old, apparently I climbed the ladder next to my grandfathers house and when they finally found me I was hanging out up on the roof. No fear. Just up on the roof!

So I've always been this free. I have always felt like there was something more. Something I must be missing out on b/c "this" can't be it. I mean - there's a whole world (back then it was just me begging my mom to let me leave from the front of the house, then for her to let me leave from our side of the street, then the block and so on). But always always - I knew I had to go. I needed to see it and taste it and touch it and feel it. If it was to be had I needed to have it. If it was to be held I needed to hold it.

And I still do. Our chidlike innocence and wonder is often lost with the tedious transitions of time - and time is filled with many of them... transitions that is... and they're swift. But I've learned that that childlike faith/innocence/wonder can be regained with spiritual maturity. There were never any walls for me then - they still do not exist. Neither do they exist for you.

So similar to the old call and response games we played as children (you know - the sing song diddys that we sang and stepped and danced to) I want you to repeat after me: When I say Rock. You say Roll. When I say Icy. You say cold. When I say Disco. You say Beat. When I say Sugar. You say Sweet - then scream FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

And run, skip, step, dance, leap... do all you have to do to go get you some of that freedom you been singing about and longing for since you too were a child!

Free Girl Talk Radio 12/18 Show Debut

2009-12-21T07:53:00.000-08:00

The debut of FreeGirl Talk Radio hosted by yours truly - EbonyJanice (A Free Girl Talking) on Friday December 18th, 2009 at 6pm was a success. Many of you tuned in to hear the discussion with April AP Smith, Theresa Davis and Jon Goode - even more of you wished me well and I'm proud to say that I know I heard from God when I decided to start FreeGirl Talk Radio on BlogtalkRadio.

Many of you may not know that when I was in college my major was Political Science. I wanted to be a civil rights activist. : ) LOL! This is the truth. Just picture little EbonyJanice trying to quote the constitution and writing her own version of Martin Luther King's "Free At Last Speech." My family can attest to this... These things that I tell you are true. I was going to be a Civil Rights Activist and I was SURE that I was created by God for that purpose.

Well... college showed me that, though this was truly my passion, there were a few other things in me that were a little more pressing than Marching to Selma again! LOL! I learned so much about myself in college through mistakes, heartbreak, complacency and forgiveness and all of those things - including the procrastination and the drama - has made me realize that God created me specifically to "Empower People Into Truth!"

What is more TRUE than "You were created to be FREE!"?

And what's more TRUE than - "Most of You don't know you're NOT free?"

FreeGirl Talk Radio is not JUST for girls... it's for ALL people that believe in Peace, Equality, Freedom, Liberty, Jesus, Holiness, Righteousness, Beauty, Love!" FreeGirl Talk Radio is just a part of my Civil Rights Movement... The Soljourner, Harriet and Emma Jane Baxley in me knows that girls being free is as important as Mandela being released from prison all those years ago... And I want YOU to be a part of this too.

So visit www.iamafreegirl.gutensite.com (soon to be www.iamafreegirl.com) and submit your questions, comments, issues on the Contact page and possibly your topic/issue/question will be featured on FreeGirl Talk Radio on BlogTalkRadio - hosted by EbonyJanice every Friday (starting January 8, 2010) at 6pm EST.

I'm confident that Free Girl Talk Radio will bless this earth. Even if it just empowers you to search deeper to find the pieces to the puzzle that is: What you were called to do!

Most of all I'm confident that where the Spirit of the Lord is - There Is Liberty! I want some of that... and I want that for you as well.

"Freedom ain't freedom when the free [girl] ain't free!"

**You can listen to the archived Debut Show at www.iamafreegirl.gutensite.com on the FreeGirl Radio tab or at www.blogtalkradio.com/freegirltalk <-------- Visit this site on 1/8/10 at 6pm EST to listen to the next show LIVE!

Thank You Thank You Thank You... You're Far too Kind!

2009-11-29T16:20:00.000-08:00

Here are a few of my paintings... Enjoy! (for a limited time only!) :)

Raven Johnson - Dancing With the Father

2009-09-03T06:55:00.001-07:00

I believe in drama. I mean - really! Just act a plumb fool and get it out the way so that while everyone else is still trying to process how they feel - you've already dealt with your truth. Your raw, authentic, unadalturated mess of a truth! DRAMA! (exhale) *

So last night when I got the call that Raven Johnson, the 18 year old neice of my Bishop and CoPastor, had died, I took the time out to act a ridiculous maniacal mess in my living room all by myself. I mean I took it there. All out "WHY? WHY? WHY?" It was a sight to see. Then all night, I lay awake in my bed and thought about the crazy mess of a person Raven (whom God blessed me to develop a very close relationship with in these past several months) was... and I literally laughed and cried myself to sleep.

Raven suffered from some kind of Juvenile Arthritis "something something something" but - quite possibly the fact that I can't quote the exact title of her ailment speaks to the kind of person she really was. She was never a complainer. And if it wasn't for the visible scars on her body and the way she had to hold her hands because of the pain - you would NEVER know she was sick.

I met her almost two years ago in my Sunday School class. I instantly loved her because she was very intelligent, witty and slightly sarcastic. She was me with a slight limp! LOL! I'm laughing right now just thinking about some of the ridiculous things that girl had to say in response to the topics that I'd bring for our bible studies on those Sunday mornings when she wasn't in too much pain to attend class.

As we got to know each other better, I instantly joked with her that she reminded me of Daria Morgendorfer or Juno - more Juno than Daria... but we both thought the Daria Morgendorfer comparison was fitting and even more so hilarious because Raven is the "Queen of Sarcasm!" Though she carried this title gracefully, she was not cynical at all about life. For a girl who had been near death, and technically beyond it at some points, Raven lived her life carrying a better attitude about her situation than any of the rest of us did. We felt sorry for her and wanted to help her get around when she had to start riding a scooter - and she wanted to pop willy's on that thing and still hang out with her friends like the normal teenager she was!

"If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it!" - Raven Johnson

What teenager do you know that can wake up in the hospital and find out she's missed her prom - and still be willing to give encouragement to their peers about TRUSTING GOD - and being FAITHFUL??????????

What PERSON (in the whole worlds) do you know, that can find out that eventually their fingers and toes are going to fall off and they still desire to dance for the Lord and boldly declare their healing so that one day they can do just that? No toes and all!!!!!

Life.

It can be tough. The heavy burdens of our heart belong to the Father, however. Carrying around resentment and having a hard heart towards God was never the answer of a girl that lived the life of a "Modern Day Miracle" (and she knew it)... so who am I to not live a life fitting of someone that "Remembers Raven Johnson" and has been charged by God - just in knowing her - to carry her in my heart forever, honoring her life by living out the attitude, dreams and goals that she had.

I asked my class one day who they are in their "wildest dreams..."

Here's what Raven had to say:

"In my wildest dreams...

I am a well known TV personality in politics (like Oprah, but not really)
People would come to recognize my testimony because of my 1st documentary, Miracle Workers.
I'd be married and happy.
I would have kids that love me.
My child labor would be PAINLESS! (Oh yeah!)"

(insert my koolaid grin and tears here)

I'm better for having known Raven. And though I realize that when people pass it's easy for us to send them straight to Heaven, even those that have not lived a life befitting of eternal life with the Father - but I have ZERO doubt in my mind that Raven Johnson - fully healed and no pain - is dancing with the Father... as we speak!

*The funny thing about this - is I JUST talked to Raven about this Sunday when she was telling me that she was taking her grandfather's passing pretty hard still... I told her to get it all out. Act a fool. Roll around in the floor - drive your scooter into the wall. LOL! She told me that she had considered doing just that but she was confident that if she tried that her family would just laugh at her and tell her to get her behind up! And she would just get up and apologize and ask everyone to pretend it never happened. LOL! As I continue to think of other fond memories of Raven - I realize that all of my memories of her are fond. I'll forever carry this smile - b/c of the way this powerful young lady transformed my life!

Pop Bottles ... or just smile... Whatever You Choose!

2009-05-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

I'm sharing this b/c you all know what I've been through here at my job. It's not fun talking to sick people all day everyday. So on the occasion that someone goes out of their way to thank you - in this place??? its a SHOCK... and you must celebrate it... so pop bottles and check out the note in the picture that I received in the mail today at my job addressed to me :)

YAAAAAAAAAAAY! Praise Jesus! This surely made.my.day!!!!!

Only Made it To Day #29

2009-05-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

Day #23

We are nursing a bruised womb
A miscarriage caused by our won hands
The death I died every day
On my own was not enough
Every piece of us had to go
Now I find myself wallowing
In a cold play song
Dancing off beat to Cannon in D
Humming amazing grace
Over Thelonious Monk confused chords
Brutally banging my head on
Base boards to believe it
Tear soaked blood
Bloody with guilt
Guilt torn heart
Heart pumping gasoline
Gasoline soaked hands
Hands gripping neck
Neck, throat, fire
Dying a slow death
Me, you and this baby
Surely you feel these flames
Surely you feel the ooze of this blood
Surely you hear the banging of my head
On these base boards
And the humming of amazing grace
You surely hear those
Thelonious Monk chords
Bangs clangs and tings
Surely you see me dancing off beat
Surely you see me wallowing
Cannon in D
Cold play
Death everyday
Another day of dying
We have killed this child
That was growing in me
That was dying in me
And finally you seem to feel it
This is what death feels like
Welcome

Day #24
In the morning the poems come
In the mourning the poems stop
I have always known what it
Feels like to grieve
But I played and wrestled and
Swam and jumped fences
And fought and knee skinned
And bike fell
And train track skipped
And dog chased
And ran from dogs
And tic tac toe’d
And twi-li-li’d
And kissed th blk boy and the Spanish boy
And convinced the white boy
That jumping back was the best idea
For him because
I’d get the color boy to beat his behind
And hide and seeked
And hide and went and got it
And sang
And dodged
And got sun tanned
And ate ice cream
And chased the ice cream truck
And shot the icre cream man
With a bee bee gun
And loved Sheaunte and hated Dawn
And hated Sheaunte and loved Dawn
And then got hated by Sheaunte and Dawn
While they loved each other
And not me
And tree climbed
And rock skipped
And fire works launched
And got my behind beat everyday
For doing it all without limits
And sometimes w/out permission
Because I didn’t care
I loved life
I loved living
And I knew it would require my life
To get the poems to come in the morning
B/c they always seem to stop in the mourning

Day #25
I have found we young
Poets sing the same songs of
Nikki and Jesus

Day #26
He has weaved the bass clef into my scalp
Unbraided all treble from my hair
Only leaving and amplified ding in my ear
From his cymbals
He symbolizes truth
So he strums gospel tunes
In purple hues
That take away my blues
And jazz pats on his 4 string
Rock sings his 5 string
Church claps his 6 string
Until my eyes are closed
And the hum of his A minor chord
Leads me into the heavens
His song is heavenly
He is the remedy
Neither of us are afraid of
Sounds in the dark
So we keep our eyes closed
And two step together
To the beat
Never knowing where
The music is taking us
Just trusting that its
Taking us there together

Day #27
Sometimes I question the one set of fingerprints theory
I am too much like Emma Jane
Ces yeuz
Le nex
Une bouche
Les Oreilles
I have seen
I have smelt
I have tasted
I have heard
Possibly even touched all of the same things as she

My grandmother recently ahs been quieted by her health
It’s the reason I have so much to say
What she can not say
I will say for her
All of her prayers and “take me to the waters”
Her I know I been changed’s
And her aw naws at bad news
Her mmm mmm mmphs and her I love yous
I will load them all onto my tongue and
Chew them for the rest of my life
Until they permeate from my skin
And become even more of who I am

I will retell her stories and tell the ones she has kept secret
I will rock and moan
Switch and purse my lips
Raise my children and yours
Quote scripture hand on hip
& frequent belts for chastisement

I will be uncontrollable
Bold
Heroic
Unafraid
Vigilant
&brave
And all at the same time I will be none of these things
&I won’t wait to be 85 to be this audacious
It started long ago for me
And it just gets worse from here
Really
I’m speaking quick wit & sharp tongue for both of us
Me and my grand mother
Ces yeux
Le nez
Une bouche
Les Oreilles
But especially our hands
With these fingerprints
That they say aren’t the same
But I hope our impact is

Day #28
I wonder if they think of me
The way I think of them
Catch me in a deep stare
Eyes slightly slanted
Hands on hip in a daze
Pondering and unaware
Concerned only with the things
Of my life
I know what it feels like
To day dream
I know what it feels like to day mare
Watch people
See them eyes empty
Mind racing
I wonder of them
What their days are like
What brings them joy
How often do they experience hell
And selfishly
I wonder if they ever think of me

Day #29
I go to my church
Frequently to hear the word
But I rarely church

Day 18-22 (Bankhead Bounce Emoticon)

2009-04-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

Day #18
Girl with that darn mic
Your panty line was showing
Till you slipped them off

Day #19
I swear to you I am writing this poem
In a bar
w/ live music
strippers
drunk birthday boys
posing as 38 year old men
and Joel Olsteen is currently
preaching a sermon
on sacrifice
on the big screen over the bar
I couldn’t make this up

I can’t say I didn’t ask to live
The kind of life where my
Days aren’t full of monotony

But I’m confident I did not ask for this…
Take me home.

Day #20
If you call my phone
Asking me a dumb question
I will BOOM on you

Day #21
I would love desperately to poem you away
Similar to how I poem’d you to stay
But I swore to God and my new love
That I had written my final love poem to you
I hope they both forgive me
b/c apparently… here I go again

Day #22
He knows how far the east is from the west
From nail pierced hand to nail pierced hand

When is the last time that you died on a cross for me
And even if you did have the audacity to love me that much
When is the last time that you rose from a grave for me

I’m walking away
from this old tainted
Desperate
Dazed
Crazy love
Slowly
But Surely

Slowly
But surely
Crazy love is gone
Dazed love is gone
Desperate
Strange
tainted love
Gone

You are not God
I guess you never said you were
I made you this big
Slowly but surely I am remembering

Day 16 & Day 17

2009-04-17T11:57:00.000-07:00

**Note about day 16... I really want to like this poem... and I think in time I will - just a first draft obviously**

Day 16 (April 16, 2009)

As if he couldn't be more latin
his parents named him
Jose Jesus Reymundo Rodriquez
I am not making this up
I had nothing to do with this
he plants flowers
in front of my building
cuts the grass
weeds the yard
fertilizes the lawn
I wonder if he is happy
and I'm glad to stop my wondering
when I see his name tatoo'd on the side
of his trick
I am sure now that he
makes more than me
mambo and salsa swell his tongue
his language is bold and daring
he struggles and misses
many syllables
but he never misses the wild dandelions
that we once thought were beautiful flowers
as children we wondered
how could a yellow petaled plant
be considered a weed
I am confident he agrees
we ppl of color
in our many shades and tones
our hues of blue
our hands full of tingling and feeling
we observe one another intense
mostly in silence
Jose Jesus Reymundo Rodriquez
taken by my shapely hips
and me moved to jealousy by his native words
I wish to know him better
feel as proud of him as i would if he were my brother
know no boundaries or barriers
between black and brown
corn bread and tortilla
swahilli and spanish
Africa and Mexico
Trinidad and Ecuador
I gave birth to him too
I am sure
I walk almost conceited with pride
that he plants the flowers
in front of my building
these bright reds and yellows and greens
remind me of home
we nvr speak
but I always smile at him
nod my head and thank God
that my brown child is giving back to this earth
walk into my house
and water my sweet potatoe plant and my greens
I am making grow in the city
Hey... what can I say?
He get it from his momma

Day 17 (April 17, 2009)
Today I found out where Outtie 5000 derived from
And because of that I will brag to be way more hip hop than you.

All These Days 9-15

2009-04-16T10:15:00.000-07:00

Day#9 (Aprill 9, 2009)
Those guitar strums
are Skate World remnants
strobe lights and fluttered heart beats
I can smell his fear
white boy music doesn't exist
I am as black as black can get
but something about
those guitar strums
and sycopated dings on high hats
reminds me of Skate World
the last skate when
you are 13 years old
and you know your mother
is on her way so this is
his last chance to ask you
to hold hands
this is for the magic a strobe light creates
and for the halelujah of the dark shadow
these lights give at the same time
a moment caught in teh memory of my
13 year old mind
when he saw me
lights flashing and flickering off my
bronzed prepubescent face
and knowingly skated by to
dance with Tanesha instead
Thank goodness for faint lights
and thank goodness for revenge
even if it is 13 years later
cause I hear Tenesha doesn't even like boys anymoer...
I hope when he found out there was a slight strum of guitars
and a strobe light
and a loosely screwed wheel on skates @ Skate World
and a freshly waxed floor
to harden the fall
forcing him to know what it feels like to get your heart broken
to the sound of rock and roll

Day#10 (April 10, 2009)
Blk Grl is my call
I can't save Fifinas life
she must save her own

Day #11 (April 11, 2009)
I figure if it was easy to stop
loving him
then it wasn't
ove in the first place
However... [apparently]
It was real.

Day #12 (April 12, 2009)
I don't need a text
to remind me that the christ
died so I can live

Day#13 (April 13, 2009)
Pardon me white lady
but Ebony is an extremely common name
it is not different or strange or unique or exotic
or any of the above
Stop it.

Day #14 (April 14, 2009)
For some reason
you seem to think
you are in control
but after all these years
I know what it looks like
for a man to treat me right
so if you want to speak to me
in the future
you had better step lightly
and be humble
b/c @ this point
only the kissing of my behind
will get you anywhere
and since the man in my life
treats me just fine
I aint pressed to have no extra
lips pressed against my behind
It might be big enough
for two sets
but that woud be uncouth
and really unnecessary
Boom!

Day #15 (April 15, 2009)
I am a blk grl
I frequent pursed lips
and eye rolls
hands on hips
and right foot slightly extended
patting far frmo attempting
to perpetuate a stereotype
I'm just a blk grl
and I live daily on
(at the bare minimum) 98%
of my blk grl power
Yes. I am a super hero
named at birth EbonyJanice
when I walk you can hear music
gospel, hip hop, jazz, r&b
when I talk it sounds like beat boxing
and loud bass, hand claps and foot stomps
I dream in many languages
b/c I do not know my own
Mostly I speak in unknown tongues
I am confident that I will go to heaven
and still be this audacious
I believe in Forever
and I remember forever too
my spirit is familiar with much
hence the reason for
my frequent pursed lips and
need to BOOM
I have felt both the stings of slavery
and the regard of my royalty
quite the paradox
I am purple and twirling
smiling and dancing
sweet tea drinking and happy
I eat friend chicken and watermellon
b/c they are delicious snacks
not b/c I'm blk
But I am a blk grl
I can do everything
and I make no apologies for this
nappy haired, thick lips, high hips & all
Blk Grl
And obviously I wouldn't trade this for all the
money in the world
and thats the truth [rolls eyes]
Shoot...

National Poetry Month Days 5-7

2009-04-08T09:04:00.001-07:00

#5
What an audacious monster
of a “man” you must be
To sit back and watch me
Love you for 4 ½ years
Unrestricted-love unreturned
Prior to my deciding
To act like I had a piece of sense
Even if its really just “acting”
And not even real sense
By getting me a man
That actually has some sense
Only to have you finally decide
You do love me
And even now
You still haven’t decided
To accompany your love
With some sense
Or even acting like you have some sense
So I am convinced
That you aren’t human
And I wouldn’t be stretching
Even a bit by calling you a lunatic

#6
Lately:
I really am very similar to the bag of clothes in my bedroom corner marked “soiled” I tend to build up uncontrollable out of nowhere before I find me spilling and busting at the seams wanting cleansing

I pray less lately for others, me, you, Aids victims in Africa, those people in Italy killed in the earthquake, the little girl whose body was found in pieces in a suitcase
I frequent accepting responsibility for the ills that happen around me because I know I personally can request a thing in prayer and it shall be

Peace
Safety
Miraculous Healing
Amen

But lately I am quiet and similar to the bag of clothes in my bedroom corner marked “soiled” my heart is heavy burdened, built up uncontrollable till I’m spilling over and busting at the seams wanting clean//wanting free – I lay prostrate in prayer - fold creases into my hands, knees, eye lids, each piece by piece and promise it won’t take as long next time to come for wash again

#7
Don’t call me no more
My boyfriend is always here
He wants to punch you

National Poetry Month Days 1-3

2009-04-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

I've decided to participate in this challenge for poets to write 30 poems a day for 30 days (of April which is National Poetry Month). Even if I dont post these poems everday consecutively I will be writing. Everyday. So far this is what has come: ENJOY!

Poem #1
For Morehouse

I do not disagree with him.
But I do disagree...

Poem #2
Kensington Station Apartments

We are going tomorrow
to the hood
with the full intentions
of changing the lives
of black girls forever
but more likely than not
I will be more changed
than any of teh young black girls
under the sound of my voice
and I think this is how it should be

Poem #3
Dear Customer Service Callers

Dear Keppra&Keppra XR patients, doctors, nurses, pharmacists, etc.
It would be a good idea
for you to behave yourself
because today a pharmacist from
New Jersey worked my nerves
and I put him on hold while I faxed what he needed
then went to the loo-to do-#2

Remembering and Considering Shaquita

2009-04-02T07:24:00.000-07:00

So…

I was on the phone with this patient this morning. We’ll call her Shaquita (mostly b/c that’s her name). And GOD chastised me so good about my blog from the other day. So I’m talking to Shaquita and she’s getting on my nerves… I mean I can’t even be too bothered with her calling 6 months after receiving a letter indicating that her application is incomplete talkingboutsome, “I have the information you need can I still send it in.” So I’m like, well Shaquita, let me find out what our policy is regarding a time frame because at this point we may need a new application and prescription as well as your updated proof of income. Shaquita gets ready to object like she has held up her end of the bargain (on time… and not 6 months later) and I cut her off by politely saying, “Again ma’am, please hold for one moment while I get some clarification on our policy. Thanks.” Shaquita hushed.

(sigh)

So I get clarification that we do need a new application and a new prescription – boom. I get back on the phone – tell Shaquita the case – boom ping blow! Right? I’m ready to get Shaquita off the phone and back to whatever else I’m doing at the time in my attempt at multi-tasking. So I let Shaquita know that she can have her doctors fax the prescription, have her write down the fax number then read it back to me. Then this sista starts running off an address that she’s going to send the prescription to and her update proof of income. I’m annoyed. I say, “Ma’am you can fax them, that’s why I just gave you the fax number.”

What she says next blows my mind and just completely messes me up…

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I have really bad seizures so I get a little confused some times. Im confused right now in fact. I apologize.”

I remembered. These are sick people. Though from time to time they get to feeling entitled (which can be a little frustrating on my end) – for the most part they are belligerent because they are sick. They have seizures, epilepsy, brain tumors, cancer, etc. They can’t drive, they’re poor, most of them not as educated as others because they are so sick and their brains have been so effected by these chronic seizures that they just want their medication and often do not have the communication skills that it takes to communicate effectively what their needs are.

Here I am, Spelman bound, uninsured but a lot better off health wise than ANY of these people and a fair income by which I can support myself and buy Brewster’s ice cream, go to the movies, and drink Simply Apple Juice (expensive-lol) any time I please… and I can’t even be too bothered with being compassionate with people that could DIE if they don’t get their medicine??????????????

I felt so ashamed. I corrected my attitude immediately with this patient Shaquita and informed her to give my direct number to her doctor or her patient advocate and have them call me so that I could explain what we need so we can try to get her her meds ASAP. Although, it may still be a little overwhelming and frustrating for me to have to be polite and compassionate to professional doctors and nurses that REFUSE to follow our procedure (a simple one in my opinion) and even with patients that just lack regard for me as a person, a human being with feelings and not just some droid in a call center – I know that it is my responsibility as a child of GOD to attempt to respond NO MATTER WHAT like Jesus would.

And I’m confident Jesus would have given Shaquita his direct extension this morning and told her to have a blessed day. I pray for forgiveness for my contrite heart up til’ this point and any patient that hasn’t gotten the full understanding of what it was that we needed from them because I allowed my emotions and frustrations to get in the way of me being a compassionate customer service assistant – and an ineffective at communicating on their level. I’m sorry – I repent – I will change.

I still want to slap that nurse that cursed me out last week. And I know that’s not right – but people need the rod to not be spared on them sometimes. LOL!. (long pause) No for real. AHAHAHAHAHAH! Pray for me!

A Free Woman & Her Ice Cream

2009-04-01T13:15:00.000-07:00

As a free woman I have the right to do for myself what you can't do for me. I also have the right to do for myself what you can do for me with out being made to feel like I"m stepping on your toes or diminishing who you are as a "man." As a free woman it is my CHOICE. Back several months ago I was riding in the car with (let's call him Bob). I wanted some ice cream. The man I was with had already spent much money on me for the day and didn't have it in his budget to spend any more on ice cream (Which I can't hate on that brotha for having a budget when trying to date me... cause I frequents cutting up). I did. I suggested that I could buy it for myself - no biggie - he said "No, I'll buy it." I said, "But I can buy it for myself its okay." He said, "No. I got it." I was like - "That's okay. I just won't get any." Then I was like - "No. I want some ice cream and I'm going to buy it. Stop that."

Now here I was - more capable of purchasing myself ice cream than he was but willing to give up the delicious taste of banana cream pie on my tongue so as to not hurt his pride (confused face emoticon). Listen up! My freedom is not a slap in your face black man. I know sometimes my independance can be frustrating and make you feel that I don't need you and have no use for you... but free woman and independant woman is a little different. I do need you. But there are some things that don't necessarily require you. For example - buying myself some ice cream when you don't necessarily have the money.

So I bought me some and him too! That brotha tore that ice cream up!

I should call him and ask him was his free woman ice cream good!?

The Ppl on the Other End of The Line

2009-03-31T13:13:00.000-07:00

I LOVE having a job.

I work for a Pharmaceutical company in Smyrna, Georgia in their Patient Assistance Program. I think its awesome that this company – which is a “FOR PROFIT” company gives away MILLIONS of free medication every year to seizure patients. The program is for Keppra and Keppra XR which are anti-epileptic drugs. It’s an Expensive (pardon me) EXTREMELY expensive drug – so the fact that these people can get it for free is beyond me… it really blesses me to be able to assist patients in getting approved.

I know that one of my gifts in the spirit is my compassion. I have a HUGE heart for people. God has equipped me with the ability to communicate pretty effectively both verbally and in writing – but also with an understanding that I can’t help everyone. I tend to carry things pretty heavy in my spirit – which is one of the things that I have to be very mindful of – HIS burden is light… so when I find myself too heavy burdened I know that burden doesn’t belong to me.

(sigh)

With that said – I HATE MY JOB because these ppl// pardon me// these UNGRATEFUL people are trying their very very best to drive me crazy. They can’t do that b/c I am of sound mind… however, I find myself becoming less compassionate for people daily. And that makes me sad

I mean these folks call and act a gotdang fool! I’m not playing either! I’ve been cussed out in 8 different languages… including tongues and sign language. Trust me – sign language (the middle finger in a verbal manner) has been used a many a time. These folk got me around here feeling like the Little Rock 9 must’ve felt.

I hate it. I really do. I’m rolling my eyes, throwing my hands up in the air, shaking my fist, talking back (with my end on mute of course) – everything I can to expend some energy in a physical way so that I maintain my purest level of customer service. IT IS TOUGH! The worst part is when professional doctors and nurses call with misinformation and horrible attitudes.

Let me tell you all the things that won’t get your patient their medication any quicker –

Cursing at me. Sure fire way for you to get the eye roll and the have a nice day.
Calling me names. Umm… You are a 57 yr old woman – name calling? Really?
Telling me that something exists that doesn’t exist. If I tell you I have not rcvd your pts app and we process all incoming mail and faxes same day… NEVER will you argue with me about that. It has not arrived yet ma’am!

The name of my company is UCB Pharma NOT USPS (United States Postal Service). I am not in control of how long it takes mail to arrive. ***I literally had a nurse tell me, I was a “gd*explicit*” lie. She continued, “I mailed that *d* thing 3 ½ wks ago. (Me: (long pause) (deep sigh) Again ma’am, we do process all mail the day it is received. At this time we have not received the updated information. The only thing I can advise at this point is for you to resend the application Priority that way it will arrive a little quicker and you will have tracking information.”)

Usually we will get a call a few days later from that same person talking about, I’ve got the original here but I mailed a copy. Ma’am once it arrives we will not accept it b/c as indicated on the criteria sheet and per our last conversation we can not process copies, we MUST have all originals.

This is getting too long. The point is.

Pray my strength.

Cause in general I’m a pleasant person.

But I’m starting to think

Wayne Brady may have to slap a… (blink blink - heavy sigh)

Well – my Aunt told me I have to stop cursing in here (even fake cursing) so I won’t finish that line… but either way – I solicit your prayers… not just for me… but for the ppl on the other end of the line.

Buying A Bike Does Not Make Me A Hippie

2009-03-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

I asked my boyfriend could I have his bike and he told me yes, all I had to do was get a new tire and intertube, an oil change, get the chain oiled or slipped, get the tires rotated and an alignment – handle bars tightened, brakes oiled and adjusted, throne (seat) needs to be lifted, the reflectors need to be washed and the gears don’t work.

I’m buying a bike. A purple Schwinn. Whoo! – She’s so pretty. I’m going to put a basket on it and I’m going to ride that thing everywhere! One of my coworkers calls me a hippie! (giggles)

Regarding Boyfriends bike - I didn’t want his little Huffy 4 speed no way! LOL!

Angela Davis, Entitlement Issues & Jay-Z (etc)

2009-03-27T06:53:00.000-07:00

There are so many things that I’d like to speak on – mostly because I always have a lot to say – but mostly b/c it’s been so long since the last time that I posted any type of conversational blog/essay/whatever you want to call these random rants. On the top of the list of things I’d like to speak on is:

*Obama (but that’s too obvious).
*Angela Davis at Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta a few days ago…(another story for another day)
*The entitlement issues of the American people at large (specifically – and I hate to say it but it’s the truth – white ppl [gasp and get over it])
*My boyfriend. (smiles)
*My exboyfriend. (frowns) LOL!
*A host of other etc topics – ie. The black ppl on the walls in my house that I paint and the hip hop in my heart that I spit like hot fire similar to Dylan – oh oh! And Beyonce. (not the hot fire that I spit like Beyonce… she can not rap//note Carmen the HipHopera as proof//- but Beyonce as in another topic I’d like to discuss).

But, I don’t have time for all that today. A series of unfortunate events is causing me to have to move into a new apartment this weekend. My boyfriend is forcing me to go to Alabama with him this weekend. We have Out The Box service at church this weekend AND Grace House night this weekend. I’m not overwhelmed – but I just can’t be playing with you all on this thing today. Shoooooo….

But my blog is making a comeback very soon. And you’re going to be thrilled – similar to the way you felt when Jay-Z dropped American Gangsta… or no no! You should anticipate it similar to the way you’re waiting for Blue Print 3. Pant after it similar to the way the deer panteth after the water. (long pause) Well… a little less than that. But It’s that crazy son!

You just watch what I tell you.

Amalgamation: My Disappearance and Revival

2008-10-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

Eventually you will bleed me
I will touch you finger tips to flesh
and liquify into your body like ghosts
disappear into you like spirits
alloy like metal mixed with mercury
be like I'm close to the sun and melt into you
My body will eventually mold into your curves
sink into your thickness and linger there
as if I am just a part of your
beautiful muscular sculptured self
blend into your skin perfectlyblemish free
mix into your cocoa add a slightly caramel
hue to your crayon brownwe will be the same
eventually I will simply fall into you
like your eyes are the abyss
dissolve on your tongue like luke warm ice
fuse into your pours till you sweat me
soon you will cry me soon you will blink me
Eventually you will see photos of yourself
and miss melong for me to fold my legs
around your waistand collapse into you
realize its a new day and breathe me
bathe me in your morning bath
use my feet to walk and fall in love
with leaning on my shoulders
they are yours - our shouldersyou can stand
Eventually I will merge myself into every crevice
of your mindand vanish into your dreams
thaw myself on your chestand stain your good shirt
paint myself on your stomachwith your own hands
and wait for my heart to beat faster inside of you
b/c you need meopen you up and drip into you
join us together and become a concoction of you
then pour me into you fit into you
coalesce myself to you
Till you miss me enough to purge
me from yourself. Kiss me. and then Be.

The Love Of Her Life Is Gone....

2008-10-23T09:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my godmother said, "I can't laugh for missing him..." of her husband that just passed about a year ago.

I replied, "Me neither Godmommy."

Then she said she miss him so much - she like to lose her mind sometimes.

A quick hushed noise came out of me - something like a laugh... "Me too Godmommy..."

***(shrugs)***I know what she mean...

The Language of A Free Woman

2008-07-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

I (at present) don't ever plan on reading anything by James Baldwin or Ralph Ellison - not any time soon at least. And I know as a contemporary black woman considering herself to be educated and of academentia etc etc - Baldwin and Ellison are "Must Reads." But alas - I have no urgent need or desire to read anything by either of them. I enjoy Shay Youngbloods interpretation of who James Baldwin was for her in "Black Girl in Paris" through the heroine of the story... but again - I'm nothing like that cigarette smoking, freely involved in sex having, wine with every meal drinking sista prancing through Paris like who did it and why.

Not that I have any problems with her - "Black Girl in Paris" was my first "Favorite Book." I was a senior in high school and I finished it in a study hall I rarely went to (but on this certain day the mans foot was relating to my neck so I had to be there). When I finished the book I asked for a hall pass to go to Ms. Mellon's (Sr. English professor then - sista friend and literary confidant now) classroom. I told Ms. Mellon how the book made me feel and that I was overwhelmed with emotion, almost to tears and angry that it was over. She smiled and hugged me, I think, and said - "You just read a good book." I was so pleased with having FINALLY read a good book that I read it again.

And even till this day, when I re-read "Black Girl in Paris" I see a piece of me in the main character (free and unapologetic for just wanting to do what she wants to do... nappy hair, seemingly out of place and all) - so much so that I'm walking around the house days after having read it with a wine glass (apple juice filled) and eating toasted asiago cheese bread with honey butter spread, strawberries and legumes (shrugs)... like some chicken tacos and a vanilla coke just isn't sophisticated enough for a "Free Black Woman?! [1]" (hahaha)

Either way... I enjoy reading about Ellison and Baldwin and even Richard Wright, Langston Hughes and Zora Neale Hurston... but I'm not bound to the reading of them in order for me to converse with others that have to prove their intellectual selves. Nope. I don't have to. I happen to have loved "Their Eyes Were Watching God" but - I struggled with "Jonah's Gourd Vine" by Zora because I didn't prefer trying to read a whole 'nother (yes 'nother) book with her continued use of that African American dialect.

"Dat's a big ole resurrection lie, Ned. Uh slew-foot, drag-leg lie at dat, and Ah dare yuh tuh hit me too. You know Ahm uh fightin' dawg and mah hide is worth money. Hit me if you dare! Ah'll wash yo' tub uh 'gator guts and dat quick."

Uh un. I-de-cline Sista. I want no parts of a whole new book filled with me trying to interpret this language. I can appreciate it. Shoot - I'd like to study Zora's life a little more in depth just because I'm curious as to how she wrote SEVERAL whole books in this dialect. I personally think its brilliant - but I don't currently have the energy for the task of the studying of such a complex lady and people.

Anyway, I am constantly assessing my life. I dont find one problem in asking myself "Am I Happy?" In general myself responds with a slight smirk, and eye squint, a pondering lip purse and a sighed "Yes..." but every now and then I have to delve a little bit deeper into the inner workings of myself to see if that "Yes" is the unequivocal truth - or some truth that the "me" that others have tried to make me be, has spoken? Mostly its me... but every now and then that other "me" that isn't TRUTH at all sneaks in a "yes" - and I'm forced to actualize a slap in the spirit realm, knock my own self out of that facade and tell the truth.

Currently - there are some things I want in life that seem unattainable... but the Free Woman in me is confident that even though it doesn't look like what's its going to end like - my current condition doesn't have to be my story. I'm very happy with my life. I'm only 25 years old and I've already come to the understanding that I'm free. Some people take well into their midlife crisis phase to realize this about themselves. But here I am - well ahead of the game. Walking in liberty, to me, is the question we should be using to define our place in this world - not some pseudo intelectual (I want badly to use the word cocamayme in this space) conversation about whether or not I've read "Baldwin or Ellison," pinky finger slightly extended perpetrating class while sipping some ginger tea.

Uh un. Again - I-de-cline. I want no parts of that falsity. Instead - I'll stick with TRUTH. The truth of who we are in our very essence is FREE (beings) (me: a woman). I am a Free Woman. And to deny myself of that kind of truth - would be like saying, "No thanks Jesus. I'm okay being bound. All that cross hanging you did for me - unnecessary!" Nope - not me... I get out of ALL these boxes... and "YES" - I'm very happy about that.

Now off to read some Pearl Cleage. I love that sista... mostly cause she free too... but I like that she just writes in plain old black girl english - yeah... that helps too.

Peace Like Me

[1] - For the record - free black women (such as myself) LOVE chicken tacos.

Love Poems For Ivan: And For The Times That I Hate You by Ebony Janice

Love Poems For Ivan: And for the times that I hate you is a book of poems, short stories, journal entries, & other ramblings about loving a black man. www.EbonyJanice.com

Black Woman Choice

2008-04-08T19:53:00.001-07:00

All black women are aware of their blackness -
Some just choose to revel in it...
like me - and Pearl Cleage - and Ms. Abby and Regina
We do this righteous black girl thing mostly to survive
but sometimes for Blue and Ivan and black men on the west end with names that start with Z
We don’t see nothing wrong with being bald headed
or nappy headed
or having some random adjective in front of the word headed describing us
we don’t see nothing wrong with being brown eyed
or dark skinned
or light skinned
or thick
or slim
We dont mind the calories in cornbread
and collard greens
and candied yams
and cabbage
We like our natural thick lips
and our shapely hips
and we got the nerves to boast in it
be real arrogant about it
even those of us in corporate America
we pick our fros out and wear bamboo earrings to meetings
even though our offices are right next to the president
and ceo’s
cause we can’t help it
this blackness that is
we just is

really

we just is

I’m under the belief that black women can do anything
make anything go
and make everything grow
there is a garden in my apartment
wild flowers
ivy
african violets
I’m thinking about planting some sweet potatoes
and letting them grow
in my bedroom
right next to the box of ebony and essence magazines
and right underneath the paintings of the ebonyblack ppl
doing ebonyblack thangs

now tell me - what you know about that?

My Sweet Black Thang

2008-02-28T06:48:00.000-08:00

-ebonyjanice
(excerpt from:
Love Poems For Ivan
and for the times that I hate you)
*****************************************My Sweet Black Thang

People in heaven ain't concerned with earth things. People in heaven only concerned with heaven things. Always hearin' folks talkin' bout what they gon' do when they get to heaven. The questions they gon' ask, the songs they gon' sing... who they gon' miss. Who they ain't gon miss... Hush up. I'm telling you like it is. People in heaven don't concern themselves with earth business. They get to heaven and get to feelin' that 24/7 holy ghost feelin' and "Holy Holy Holy" is bout' the only thing they can think to let come out they mouf. Trust me. I know what I'm talkin' bout. I been dead before. Several times in fact. Matter fact - I'm the most dead livin' thang you ever know'd. I be dying every day. I go to heaven - cry out "Holy" and be in this real extended form of bliss... then God get to realizin' I ain't sposed to be there yet and send me back.

(sigh)

So... I, being that I want to deserve to be there when it's finally my time, march my tail right on back down that stairway, you know, the stair way to heaven? Right. So I march right back on down them thur stairs and get to livin' some more. On earth. My only problem is I ain't found out yet how to live here on earth like it is in heaven... you know give us this day our daily bread on earth as it is...- etc. etc. You know the rest. Thine - kingdom - power - forever - yeah! All that. I ain't figured that part out yet. But what I have figured out is what I'm tryna tell you. Dead thangs don't be concerned with the living. So why in the name of anything good do the living be so concerned with the dead? I couldn't tell you.

The last time I was dead and I had to climb those stairs before I could get to the gates of heaven, I do remember thinking about this man I loved one time when I was living. It was bout, umm... three, four lifes ago I think. I started loving him and couldn't stop. I mean really. I loved him in every form I could think. I tried to paint him. I tried to dance him. I tried to write him. I tried to sing him. I tried to juke him. I tried to jazz him. I really tried hard at that jazz part. But no matter what it seemed like he was too busy runnin' from life to love. Or running from love to live - or life... either way he was runnin' and no matter how much scattin' I did - that booger just couldn't get with what I had to say to him. Then I died... and on my way up those stairs I got to thinkin', "That poor thang is a living dead. He think he alive but he really dead." Shakin' my head - I can tell ya the truth. Cause I been dead so much you know... The only thing worse than lovin' somebody don't know what to do with love is to be dead and still be alive.

You get what I'm sayin? I'm sayin' this joka was livin'. Here alive on earth. And he was actin' like he was dead already. Couldn't sing. Couldn't dance. Couldn't jump. Couldn't enjoy fully all that Billy and Ella I would get to singin'. Even when I Mahalia'd he couldn't exhale. He was just dead. Now that's a cryin' shame because at least all them times I die, I get to sneak off to heaven and feel that holy ghost thang I tried to tell you a lil bit about earlier. But not him. He just be dead here on earth... where the holy ghost don' got to the place where it got to be caught in order to be felt. (sigh) That ain't no kinduh way to live.

Now everyday when God get to sendin' me back to earth, to live some more, I be lookin' for him. Iono what it is bout him, but I just get to sniffin' round, lookin' for him til' I find him. Then I wait for him to see me and I get to smilin'. He always get to smilin' too. We be like 1876 or something. Like we both naked black runnin' through the trees to find each other. You know what I mean? Like, he was my man sold off to some other plantation and we both scapin' at that same time and run into each other. What you think that kinda grin look like? Well, that's what we be lookin' like when we get to seein' each other 'gain. I be missin' him something crazy. Here on earf that is. When I be in heaven, I'm tellin' you - all I can think is, "Oh God you so holy." "How you get so holy God?" "Let me touch you God." "Let me touch your holiness." But here on earth, since I first loved that black man bout 6, 7 lives ago - all I can think bout is, "Boy you so sweet." "How you get so sweet boy?" "Let me touch you boy." "Let me touch your sweetness."

Then I get to cryin' when I touch his sweetness cause it's so temporary. He don't know how to give me all his sweetness. You know. He only know how to give me a little piece of it. So I get to cryin' every time. Like a baby. Just all out ballin' tears just fallin' like somethin' don' clicked on inside me and the only thing whats can come is some tears. Not no words. Not no sounds. Jus' them tears rollin' rollin' rollin'. Gosh... I love that man. I started loving him, what, 9, 10 lives ago and ain't stopped since.

It don' got to the point now where I get to heaven, and I don't be thinkin' bout him when I'm cryin' out "Holy!" Cause heaven bound folk just thankin' bout heaven... But God get to remindin' me I'm sposed to be on earth. And the first thing pop in my head is what? Yup. You guessed it, that sweet black man that I been loving since bout 15 lives ago. Shoot. I don' died so much I can't even tell ya everythang I don' seen in life. But I shol' can tell you bout that sweet black man I don' loved in every one of my lives.

I don't believe in that thang reincartion or carnation or some'in or otha them thank they so smart white folk don' came up wit. Or it might notta been white folk - but I tell you it shol' watn't no body look like me that cum up wit it cause I know what happen after death. I been dead many times memba? And God way too busy tryna get us to bring him glory while we uhlive to be thankin' bout sendin' us back to earf to be squirls or trees or some mess like dat. Uhn un. IF, and that's a big IF, he send you back - you goin' back to finish up what you ain't completed yet - not to do somethin' else. He just want you to do what he said the first time around... and you ought not get to grumblin' bout havin' to come back, cause he didn't have to give you no second chance.

But I can only speak for me comin' back. Iono how many folk he send back as often as he be sending me back... And Iono what he sendin' them back to do... but 36,37, lifes ago I started lovin' this black man. This sweet sweet black man.. and I got to finish that I guess. It ain't a easy task tryna love somebody so dead they don't even know it. But I got grace for it I guess. That mean it come easier for me than it'll ever come for anybody else get to tryna love him. Now that ain't to say he ain't lovable... All God's children got somethin' worf lovin' in em. But, this one right here - I guess he mine to love. Til' I finally get to heaven and hear God say well done.

Folk in heaven ain't thinkin' bout no earth things. They just be thinkin' bout how holy God is. I wonder how many earth folk be thinkin' bout how sweet they good thang is? For real... cause ev'ry body ain't gon' get to climb them stairs 47,48 worf of lives like I do. I hope my sweet black thang get that in his beautiful black head soon too.

The Hopeful Hope of a Hopeless Hoper

2008-02-26T19:21:00.000-08:00

Is hoper a real word? As in "I'm a hopeless hoper?" Either way... that's what I am... I have hope where there is none. This real Abrahamic type of hope... it's ridiculous. Really - my wife is too old to have babies too... just like Abraham. LOL! No really... there is no hope... but I be hoping. And I meant that grammatically incorrect and all.

I be hoping. I do be hoping. I hope on hope. I have hoped. I'm currently full of hope - which makes me hopeful. I hope hope won't fail me. I'm a hoper.

I'm also, apparently, a believer that if I can write this - I can right it.

So... we'll see what the morning brings.

They say it brings joy...

Hope so!

ebonyjanice.out.

My Whole Life... (SIGH)

2008-02-25T12:49:00.001-08:00

I don't remember the last time I was more tickled pink! LOL!

He Doesn't Come On The Weekends

2008-02-16T07:21:00.000-08:00

There is a great blue heron that I've become very fond of that lives in my back yard. (sigh) I know you all think I live in the city... but the fact of the matter is: Atlanta is still in Georgia people. (I had to learn this the hard way). I've named him Harvey. It's a very distinguished name I think. Very strong name, my mother adds. I think I'm so consumed with him because... well... because there's a great blue heron in my freaking backyard. Okay... so let me explain a bit... I live on a creek. There's so much wildlife behind my home that my Aunt Phyllis would be on Apartmentfinder.com as we speaks if she could see some of this stuff. I figure... as long as they stay back there... and don't try to come up in here... everything is all good. I am, however, a little fearful that I'll go to my car one morning and Harvey will be hanging out in my front seat. "Black Girl in Georgia, Blows up Misty Creek, Pleads Insanity" - because clearly I'll lose my got dang mind if some thing like this should happen. For real.

But I watch this bird so much it's taxing on my whole "living as an artist/editor/black girl" full time thing I've got going on here. At first I thought he was a Pelican - this thing is HUGE. Massive beak (check) Long skinny legs (check) Neck long enough to wrap around EbonyJanice's neck twice (check) 70" wing span (check) about 5' tall in upright stance (check) Oh yeah... Percy the Pelican was on my hit list. But I called the endangered species office here in Atlanta and they sent a surveyor out - Over the phone they kept trying to tell me... "Ma'am - theres' no Pelican in Decatur, Georgia." They suggested crane... I said... "Listen up. There's a pelican in my back yard people." Both of our first guesses were wrong.

Harvey's not a Pelican. My honest second guess was Whooping Heron... but I was like... "Yo. Aren't whooping herons very very endangered?" and in the event that it was a whooping heron - "Its February - shouldn't all the whooping herons be somewhere tropical by now... shoot. even if they do stop through Atlanta on their way south - they should be out of here by now... it's too cold to be here."

Harvey is a Great Blue Heron. He comes every morning. Swoops in around 8 or 9 am. Sits on this tree that is sprung up in the middle of the creek. Perched high up on that limb he is the king of the Creek. Or so he thinks. Every now and then he curls his neck now into an "s" shape... but usually he's flexing on me from that limb b/c he knows I'm watching. And I stretch my neck as long as it will go to flex back on him to let him know I know he's watching me. Usually he is facing the woods in the opposite direction of me. He won't look me straight in the eye for too long. Punk. (rolls eyes) But... I'm so intrigued by him that I watch for him. I'm always watching for him. Waiting to catch him slipping. His routine is so down to the "t" that I'm more and more impressed by him daily. My respect for Harvey is growing immensely. In fact, I have to say I think I like him.

The wildlife surveyor has convinced me he won't attack me even though the night before the first time I ever saw him I had this nightmare that I was attacked by whatever that is making noise out side my window every night in the tree. It's probably not Harvey... but for the sake of dramatics I allow myself to believe it is.

I wonder what he looks like from the other side of the creek. Where does he go when he's not reaking havoc on my work day?

I'm very engrossed in this animal business. They do what God created them to do daily. They just wake up and get to blessing God with their obedience. There's a family of blue jays, cardinals and robins that live back there. I watch them too. Especially those cardinals. They followed me from Ohio... I'm convinced of it - they're always there. Some say his eye is on the sparrow - its on that Cardinal too... and I know he's watching me.

There are finches and all types of wood peckers. The most intriguing is a red bellied woodpecker... it actually doesn't have a red belly at all... it has this intensely red head and black wings with white spots on it and a white belly. Who named this bird? It only comes into my vision about 2 or 3 times a week... but every now and then I'm not in that window (going back and forth between the big bay window in my living room to the large paned windows in my bedroom trying to get a closer look or the best sighting.) So it's very possible that he's more often flying though the trees peck peck pecking away than on the occasions that I see him... but really... watching those birds ain't paying my rent.

Anyways... I think the reason I like to watch these birds so much is that its such a blessing to see Gods creation bless him so effortlessly. They just do what they were created to do. They just bless his name by living. They fly from tree to tree... handle their little bird business... and bless his name. That's all he told them to do. So that's all they do.

Harvey the Great Blue Heron doesn't come on the weekend... he's a part time saint I think.
But either way... he's amazing.

Are you doing what God created you to do? I mean really. Don't be like Harvey and just do it every now and then...

Go To Sleep Little Baby

2008-02-11T12:11:00.000-08:00

When I have children, I'm going to sing them all the songs that my grandmother sang to me when I was growing up...

Mama went away
Daddy won't stay
left nobodybut the baby
Go to sleep
Go to sleep
Go to sleep little baby

Two little horses
black and grey
they belong to the baby
Go to sleep
Go to sleep
Go to sleep little baby

Those lyrics may not mean much to you... My cousin Shaundre' says they're kind of depressing... : ) LOL! But... they mean much to me because these words are the proof of my loving childhood. I know a lot of young people that have grown up not knowing anything about love. My grandmother loved me. I mean... do you sing ppl you don't love to sleep? My babies, all 8 of them to come, will absolutely have that. From me and their great grandmother!

I Knew This Girl Named Nikki... I guess you can say she was...

2008-02-07T15:00:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to hear Nikki Giovanni speak at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia. Oh... (sigh) Nikki... She's such an amazing woman. I would not be who I am today if it wasn't for this "much" of a lady. I've heard her lecture before. My committee, Ethnic and Cultural Affairs, brought her to campus back in 2002 when I attended the University of Cincinnati (did yall know I went to college? LOL) She climbed her rump from up under that stuck bathroom door talking bout, "Shoot. I gots to be on time for the revolution." Can you believe that? A 58 year old lady climbing under neath a bathroom stall door so that she wouldn't be late for her lecture. (sigh) Honey! I loves me some Nikki.

Last night, as best as I could, I took notes... I prepared myself for Nikki to come up in predominately white Emory University - brought to campus by the Department of Theological studies (or some mess of a name like that) - the day after Super Tuesday, and act like she had little to no sense - because she doesn't. So... I took notes and I'm going to share some of the mess she said with you:

First of all she was introduced by this man that reminded me of one of the professors from the Cosby show, you know... one of Dr. Huxtable's friends, he was dapper and educated, with the kinds of memories of the 50's 60's and 70's that lovers of all things black eat up with a big wooden spoon. I adored his little introduction... but he said something that I had to write down because it was so much truth for me, and all of the other ppl that I know that LOVE Nikki Giovanni. He said, "I heard your poetry, and it just stopped my world." YES! That's how I felt too the first time I ever heard Nikki's poetry... It just stopped my world.

But Nikki got up, with her little short cropped afro, in her signature suit and tie and rocked all of our worlds. Between telling stories about what is currently going on in her life, and reading poetry - from no specific book... just whatever she felt like reading at the time... she gave us the perfect combination of hilarity and truth that we needed - while (I'm confiident) getting whoever from the Theology department invited her, in trouble.. cause she got her curse on. LOL! (sigh) Oh Nikki! Nikki! My darling Nikki!

After we had laughed a little bit too much in the beginning of her lecture she calmed us by saying, "It's black history, you gotta be serious a little." Well... really she didn't calm us, we just laughed harder because of how much of a mess she is.

Some other random things she said that moved me to tears or laughter:
(and this is all very random)

"I don't see how ppl go through life without an old lady in their life. If you don't have one in your ife you should run an ad in the paper for one." - This is what she said after talking about how much she loved Rosa Parks.

"We let the men do this because it keeps them out of mischeif." This is what she said in regards to why women let men feel like they're doing something when really it was all our idea!

"Drink spring water, not purified, spring water is just cow piss." LOL! I don't know why she said this.

"Rosa called me and said, 'Miss Giovanni, in your poem you have me fiddlin' for a dime.' I said, What's the problem Ms Parks, we can get it fixed. Rosa said, 'Well baby, I've never fiddled for a thing in my life." Please please please have a conversation with Rosa Parks about she feels about your poem for her.

Of Rosa's being laid in state "She's the only person to lay in state that had no power to kill anyone. All she had was the Truth." She then went on to say that when Condoleeza Rice went to Alabama for that "photo op" with Rosa's casket, "The casket moved a little bit, and Rosa was inside saying, "Ughn un baby... not you. (in this sweet little voice)

She mentioned how Rosa called everyone baby, which moved me near to tears, cause little things like this matter to me... I call folks that are older than me "baby!" It just comes so natural... Black girls are like this... we love being compared to other great black women (in any form - even something as simple as a favorite word).

"And this is right." She just randomly said this alot... but I loved it!

"If Martin Luther King were still alive, he'd have a tatoo. It'd be something responsible. My tatoo says "Thug Life" (really... the 62 year old really has a forearm tatoo of THUG LIFE) but his would say something responsible like "Vote"or "Freedom Now" and Martin would have braids, and not dreads, because he's anal retentive." LOL! Can you handle that.

"I figured it out. Donna Reid was a french whore." (gasp) I don't really remember either what that was about... well I do... but it's just too much to recount.

(oh. sigh emoticon)

I could go on and on... but I'll end this because this has been "much" already. But. (deep exhale) I will never ever apologize again for being this much of a mess... cause apparently that's just how black girls act.

Are all Nikki's this audacious? Cause all the one's I know are...

peace like me... ebonyjanice

...and in not being able to stand it, she sat back down..."

Not My Man!

2008-01-30T13:49:00.001-08:00

Last week at my church (not my church: The Church Next to Chas' Bedroom - but my actual church: Total Grace Christian Center) had gender specific services. Bishop - with the men praying and mentoring and pouring out in praise and sermon, and CoPastor (his wife) with the women, praying, mentoring and pouring out in praise and sermon.

I can't say I know what the men talked about verbatim - but as for the women, both young and old (and everyone in between and even some younger than the young -meaning baby girls) we all assembled in Jesus name to pray for our men. For our brothers, cousins, fathers, uncles, husbands, boyfriends, home boys, sucka emcees... all of them.

Do you want to know why I go to this church? There's your answer. LOL! I'm all about praying for a man. I love it!

Co Pastor Toni stood up the preceding Sunday to invite us to come out on that coming Wednesday for the fellowship and worship that we were going to be participating in corporately and she said, "Come on out on Wednesday night because we're going to be praying for the men." She then went on to say, "We gon' be up in here singing, 'Don't mess with my man. Cause I'ma be the one to bring it to ya..." Those are lyrics from R&B singer Nivea. What is wrong with my CoPastor? LOL! Any church, however, that has a Pastor that will put her hands on her hips and sing "Don't mess with my man!" I'm all about it.

So Wednesday night came... and when I tell you we prayed... we prayed. It was awesome. And it wasn't one of those programs that was like... yeah this is nice but whatever... this is our mission from the Lord for this season - we're going to pray for the men. We're going to bind up the enemy on their behalf and trust God for deliverance and a release of the stronghold that has been keeping our men either locked up, diseased, dealing with the homosexual spirit and/ or crazy. Shoooot! You know I gots to be involved in that kind of prayer.
We were the wailing women and will continue our charge throughout this season trusting God for breakthrough. I trust him.

At one point in the service CoPastor Toni had us turn to our sister on the left and the right and yell " NOT MY MAN!" meaning, there are men being lost and left behind... but "NOT MY MAN!" Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrlllllllllll let me tell ya! I turned to my sister on my left, my right, my front and my back... I turned to that chick diagnal from me and I wished there was someone above me and underneath me cause I would've told her too - "NOT MY MAN."

I'm trusting God for deliverance and increase this year. Please join me, if you will, in praying for our men. We have been charged (Jeremiah 9:17-25) to be the wailing women and to be skillful in our praying and interceding on their behalf. We can do mighty things on behalf of our communities and our land if we would just turn to the Lord in prayer and fasting and thanksgiving. And our men are so important... seek the word and the proof is there that this that I tell you is true.

I know there's a lot going on out there, tragedy, loss, temptation, too many little children being born to broken families... but you know what? No more... I declare today that that ain't going down up in here: Uhn un no sir! Maybe to the foolish woman of folly - but as for me... I'm going to rise early, be patient, pray without ceasing and continue to get my "Mother Sister" praise on as I bind the hands of the enemy and declare: NOT MY MAN!

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

2008-01-21T18:52:00.000-08:00

I really do blog. Often. But - I'm in a space... give me a minute. I'll update here often - just bare with me... I promise // Until then you can read some of the hilarity that ensues over at my myspace page:

www.myspace.com/bellenoire

Enjoy!

www.ebonyjanice.com

blog@ebonyjanice.com